


Slow burn

by dearovenhansen



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Coffee Shop, Connor gets a job, Everybody Lives, Gen, Hospital, M/M, Nobody Dies, Slow Burn, failed suicide, i really just need to get back into writing, just a real slow angsty flirting, so I’ll drag this out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-10-26 16:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 9,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17749583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearovenhansen/pseuds/dearovenhansen
Summary: Both boys end up sharing a room in hospital brieflyConnor antagonises EvanConnor forced to get a jobEvan antagonises Connor at workWith Jared’s helpPs my chapters and tiny but I update often xoxo





	1. Sunday - Evan

Evans hands trembled as he buttoned the khaki shirt of his rangers uniform. He only had a weekend left of the summer volunteer program before school went back, and his anxiety grew each day.  
There is a difference between being nervous and being anxious. You could be nervous about a presentation, or something that makes you uncomfortable. Having anxiety was when the nervousness was constant, and was affecting your ability to work or socialise.  
Evan was both nervous and anxious.  
School for Evan was....mediocre. He wasn’t an a-star student....but he passed with average grades. He wasn’t actively bullied....but he had no friends.  
Well, he had Jared. Jared barely counted, they had met as babies and been forced to grow up together as their parents were close and they went to the same synagogue. When Evans dad had left, it really put a strain on the families relationships. Jared’s dad didn’t want him associating with a broken family, but their mothers stayed close and the boys had a rocky friendship.  
Evan and Heidi hadn’t been back to the synagogue for years, Heidis work, Evans anxiety, it had all been too much. Not that he minded. He had fond memories of going when he was younger, his father used to take him out to the park afterwards and he had always looked forward to their days together. Now he was older Evan could see it for what it was- an attempt to make up for never being there. He was across the country now, remarried and more kids. Evan hoped he was a better dad now.  
“Are you ready to go?” Evan jumped as his mom burst his thought bubble. It was 6.30am, Evan didn’t have to be at the national park until 9 but Heidi had to be at the hospital for 7 and they only had one car. Evan didn’t mind, he liked having the time to himself.  
Evan smiled at his mom, Heidis eyes were tired. Still had their sweet glimmer that made her such an excellent people person, and nurse, but tired. Evan wondered how he, a stuttering nervous wreck, was really her son. 

Evan fumbled in his bag for the keys to the park gates, dropping them when he waved goodbye to his mom. He sighed and scooped them out of the dirt, unlocking the small hut at the entrance and slinging his bag down behind the desk. 6.45am. He had 2 whole hours to himself.  
He stepped out the back door of the hut, closing his eyes and breathing in the air. Pine. Cedar. Morning dew. He took off at a run, in no particular direction, he just needed to feel something. Feel the air wheezing in his lungs, feel the dirt compacting with each step, feel the condensation on the trees brushing against his bare arms. He set his sights on a huge pine in a small clearing, looking up and around he figured the pines enormous shadow had dwarfed the chances of anything growing under its branches.  
Still running he launched up the trunk at the lowest branch and threw his body over it with a grunt. He scrambled to stand up and started the careful climb, keeping close to the main trunk and using his centre of gravity. He had been climbing trees for as long as he could remember, and had first conquered the skeleton of a once amazing oak tree in his backyard. It had had leaves in his childhood, then suddenly, one year it died and now stood stoic.  
As he got higher and higher he chose to stop looking down. Branch after branch he stopped thinking and just climbing until he could see above the canopy.  
Like he did in the doorway of the hut, he stopped and closed his eyes and leaned against the trees’ narrowing trunk for stability.  
Breathe in. 1. 2. 3. 4.  
Breathe out. 1. 2. 3. 4.  
The sky was clear up here, a few clouds moving away, his arms damp and scratched from his climb. Sweat sticking his shirt to his back. This summer of climbs had made him fitter than he’d ever been and he still wasn’t sure of his own body.  
He pushed off from the trunk and held his arms out for balance, taking one tentative step out on the branch. And another. A small smile bubbled up. What a shame his balance had improved so much from being outdoors.  
He took another step, his heart pounding in his throat when he heard what he’d been waiting for. The crack of the branch on the trunk and he closed his eyes.


	2. Saturday - Connor

Conner Murphy was one of two students in his class marked absent on the first day of what should’ve been his senior year. Instead, he spent it scowling at daytime tv on a channel he couldn’t change. He’d broken the remote to his room tv one day in a fight with his parents- it had been snapped clean in half and thrown at both parents over some stupid argument. He couldn’t even remember now.  
The pantry was empty downstairs. His mom stopped buying so many snacks after she realised he wasn’t eating because he was “a growing teenager”, but rather stuffing his face every time he got high. The freezer options were better, a box of pizza pockets. He tossed them on a tray and in a cold oven. Who ever really has time to pre-heat an oven?  
These weeks had been rough for Connor, summer holidays meant Zoe being home all the time. His parents schedules never changed for holidays anymore, and Zoe only got in the way of his moping. The icing on the cake had been when Zoe and her band duet partner won overall best performance at the state annual fair, each pocketing $1000. Their lavish parents matched her prize and they bought her first car.  
Connor didn’t know what was worse. Having to sit through his mums socialising attempts, or the shame of asking Zoe for a lift.  
She was the ideal daughter as far as her parents were concerned. Connor knew her better though. Before high school they had been thick as thieves. People thought they were twins, they spoke in the own language, and always had each other’s backs. Connor was always the delinquent and Zoe always stuck by him.  
Connors freshman year had been rough, being apart from Zoe, the high school twice the size of their tiny middle school.  
Kids are mean.  
Puberty is turmoil.  
Teenagehood had changed them. When Zoe had joined him a year later, gone was the connection they once had, and with each day she grew into herself, Connor fell deeper in the ground. 

Lockpicking was an interesting skill to learn. Connor was too wired most of the time to sit still long enough and concentrate. But half a joint later his breathing had slowed down, and his hands became steady enough to jam the bent wire in the small lock. He rhythmically wiggled it down the mechanism, perfectly practised at what his parents though were keeping the medicine cabinet safe. The lock popped with a familiar click, and Connor let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.  
Connors behaviour had a ringroad effect on his mother. The more he stressed her out with his behaviour, the more prescription pills her doctor gave her for Connor to steal when he skipped school. It wasn’t an intentional effect- Connor had no impulse control.  
He liked the feeling it gave him, the power it gave him over his family who walked on eggshells around him. He liked placing his mother’s phone in the freezer, he liked swapping the contents of cupboards around, he liked hiding single items of Zoe’s makeup for days on end.  
He liked the feeling his mother’s medication gave him and the way it made him sleep.  
And that’s what he was planning on doing. 

He barely noticed the house filling with smoke as he slumped back against the cold edge of the bathtub of his parents bathroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so in my mind this was the Saturday and the previous chapter (Evan) was the Sunday 💁🏻♀️


	3. Tuesday - Zoe

Zoe was anxious about being in hospitals. She had had pneumonia when she was 6, and even now, the smell of the crisp, bleached linen sent her memory back to that awful week of slowly suffocating in her own lungs.  
She had been the first to see Connor two days ago, coming home from school to the house filled with smoke and burning pizza pockets, surrounded by neighbours and firefighters. Thank god they lived in such a snobby neighbourhood where there were housewives home all day who heard the smoke alarms going and called for help. Connor had been pulled unconscious from the bathroom, they thought he had passed out from smoke inhalation but it became obvious very quickly there was something more serious going on as he fitted and seized on the stretcher. Zoe had gone in the ambulance with him, their parents not yet home or aware of what had happened.  
She held his hand and sobbed as they intubated him, and pumped his veins full of a cocktail that would save his life.  
The hospital had kept him unconscious for a couple of days while they pumped his stomach, and ran every test known to test the function of his organs, until they were satisfied he had done no permanent damage.  
They moved him to an observation ward, mental health referrals took a long time.  
Psychologist, psychiatrist, case workers, nurses. Zoe sat by his bedside and watched Connor drawl the same shit to each of them. 

On day 3, they got a roommate.  
They.  
Their parents refused to let Connor be left alone, even in hospital, but Connor refused to let them in his room. Not that they could be there anyway, smoke damaged houses required a lot of clean up. Zoe had been living in a hospital armchair for 3 days, endlessly playing Crossy Road and being ignored by Connor doing the same thing. She double tapped too slow and cursed as she jumped when the ward door opened.  
“Mom I’m fine, p-please!”  
“Evan you can’t go home with a drain hanging out your chest! I won’t have it” Zoe’s eyes flicked up as a nurse argued with a teenager, the porter pushing his wheelchair looking increasingly uncomfortable. Both of the adults had to help the teen out of the chair and into the bed, taking great care not to knock his plastered left arm.  
“Evan it’s just a few days, please let us look after you” the nurse pleaded and gently stroked the teens dirty blond hair and kissed his forehead sweetly. Zoe frowned and went back to her phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s 3am and I can’t sleep- love me <3 <3


	4. Heidi is best mom(tm)

There’s nothing like the feeling of recognising the person on the stretcher in front of you. In all honesty Heidi didn’t know that many people in town personally. Often who she recognised were local repeat drug users, occasionally kids from Evans childhood. More often though, as nurses do, they switch off the emotional side. Heidi has to switch off that this dying man has Evans middle name, has to switch off that this teen goes to the same school as Evan, has to switch off that this drug addict has the same birthday has him, has to switch off that this kid also has on a park ranger shirt that she was cutting off gently revealing the mottling purple of a wheezing crushed lung. 

Heidis eyes refused to flick up no matter what she willed them. She automatically side stepped as another nurse moved to stabilise the now bare arm. She noted the freckle pattern surrounding the almost protruding bone, the white skin stretched to its absolute limit. She noted the awful groaning noise that was subduing as her team worked to pump enough drugs into a hastily placed IV. She didn’t note the tears welling in her eyes, as she kept them locked down on her task. Not letting them fall until the patient, her patient, her Evan, was wheeled away for an X-ray. 

Her shift ended 12 hours later but she found herself stuck at the nurses station clicking a pen lid furiously staring at the same chart page. 

Evan Hansen. M. 17yrs old.  
Admitted to ER via ambulance 9.17am.  
Tree fall.  
Closed cross fracture left ulna and radius, repositioned and light cast for swelling.  
Closed hairline fracture rib L5 and L6  
Punctured left lung, drain inserted.  
Re-assess in 3 days. 

“Heidi? He’s come around.....he wants to leave already but they won’t release him with a drain in his chest.....” the other nurse trailed off playing with the hem of her scrub top.  
“Which room?”  
“He’s still in recovery.....they’re trying to find a room to move him to but, yknow..” she waved her hands a little, “beds are tight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry fam I should have said, L5 and L6 are ribs, on the left side- I know it’s only canon for Evan to break his arm but I wanted to push it xoxo


	5. Wednesday - Connor

Connor hated being under surveillance. He and Zoe had not spent any substantial time together in years and they had grown obviously apart. As Connor came out of the brink of death and back to his sulky self, her compassion moved to frustration.  
She was on the phone to their mother several times a day, which just put Connor on the edge. Zoe was isolated in hospital, just like he was. Except he was watching her phone ping all day. Messages from friends, Snapchat’s, their group messages and school email threads going all day. They were sending her class work, keeping her in gossip, passing on messages from teachers. He saw and took his opportunity when she went to the bathroom, mashing in wrong passcode combinations as quick as he could, locking her out for hours.  
“Connor what the fuck” her voice was exasperated and tired, but her eyes vicious as she looked up at him from where he’d tossed her phone back down, “Connor I need this to keep up with school!!!”  
Connor remained silent, deadpanning as he kept eye contact  
“Connor!!!” He felt her heartbeat pick up, the intensity in the room thickening, his adrenaline surging, “what the fuck is wrong with you!!!”  
“It’s just a phone”  
“Well maybe for you!!! It’s my only connection to the rest of fucking society while I’m stuck here with you!!”  
“Stuck here?” He scoffed, “didn’t realise I was ruining your life.” God he could feed off this. He knew how wrong it was to play people, especially his sister but god at least he felt something again.  
“Maybe if you had friends you’d understand!!!” She let out a frustrated huff, “I’m fucking done, I wish you’d succeeded” her words hung in the air, dripped with teenage hate long after she’d stalked out. 

Connors temper was growing increasingly short, he had lashed out at a doctor who had just pushed him too far. She’d spoke to him for over 2 hours in her office, after Zoe had stormed off. She wanted every single detail of his insignificant life, every exhausting event and non-event. As he’d grown impatient and twitchy with the probing, he’d gotten ruder and ruder until he screamed at her and walked the short way back to his room screaming at the top of his lungs, locking himself in the shared ward en-suite.  
They’d kicked the door in an hour later when he refused to unlock it. Something about being on suicide watch. 

————-

The doctor from yesterday came in after breakfast holding a small tray with 4 cups. Connor let out a growl as she tentatively approached his bed.  
“Connor,” this was a totally different tone to yesterday, “your parents and I have spoken at length about our discussion yesterday and your actions,” Connor smirked, he was glad it had made it to his parents, “we have come up with a combination of medication for you to try.  
Now you are still 17 and a minor, so you will take this by choice in front of me, or we have rights to force it down your IV. One gets you out of hospital quicker.”  
Ouch. Connor snatched the closest cup off her tray and no sooner had he seen the sheer number of pills in it, had it been snatched back and replaced with another with only 3 in it. He ignored the second cup, water, handed to him and swallowed each without breaking eye contact with the doctor. “Aye aye captain” he did a sloppy salute as she closed the curtain and moved on to the other bed, then left the room.  
He waited until he had heard her walk a few steps down the hallway before he jumped up and ripped the curtain back on his unsuspecting roommate.  
“How are you more fucked up than me?” He liked the fear people automatically had around him, as his poor roommate squeaked and choked on his current pill.  
“W-what?” He coughed up a sloppy half powered pill with a frown  
“I mean I’m pretty fucked up but you’re on way more meds than me” Connor drawled as he assessed the teen up and down, they would’ve been about the same age. But where Connor was tall, lanky, and currently greasy (turns out hospitals don’t provide shampoo and conditioner)- this roommate was similar height, maybe 30lbs more and covered in scrapes and cuts, and a fresh crusted cast on his left arm.  
“Why are you talking to m-me?” It was mumbled so quiet Connor would’ve missed it if there had been any background noise other than his breathing  
“No ones visited you in 2 days,” he frowned, “what’s your secret?”  
“I-I don’t really have any friends...”  
“Neither, didn’t your hear my sister screaming yesterday” there was silence as Evan took the rest of his pills  
“They’re a-antibiotics” Connors head snapped up  
“Huh?”  
“That’s w-why I’ve got so many pills. I f-fell out of a tree. A pine tree, one of the tallest in the national park. Did you know pine trees are the only tree that reproduces with seeds in a cone? I thought the branch could take my weight but it snapped and I fell. I punctured a lung too.” He took a deep wheezing breath and waved his arm up.  
Connor grinned at him, “I tried to kill myself and nearly burnt down my house”  
“Oh my god”  
A knock at the door made both boys jump. “Evan, honey, the doctors say you can get that drain out today. They’re just finishing another op then you’re next” she strode purposefully across the room and began lifting the rails up on the side of Evans bed, unintentionally pushing Connor back to the solitude of his own bed.


	6. Thursday - Evan

Evan didn’t like the feeling general anaesthetic gave him. The out-of-body experience was not for him, he had a hard enough time having a regular in-body experience most of the time. But apparently 2ft of tubing in your chest cavity isn’t pleasant coming out, and honestly he was just grateful it was gone. He’d kept knocking it every time he’d moved, and he wasn’t allowed to shower with it in either. Not that he could exactly shower now without a door on the en-suite either. Connors curtain was fully closed when Evan was wheeled back in, and he was a little glad. He loved scrolling through page after page of nature photography blogs when he was down like this, he would play a game where he would try and guess the country of a post based on his knowledge of tree species.  
But he had texts to respond to first  
Mom <3: sorry I had to go help back in ER honey, Julie is your nurse please let her help you :) xxx ps they said they’d discharge you when I finish my shift so I’ll see you in a few hours!  
JKJKJKLOLOLOL: heard u fell out of a tree. Dope. 

He fired back something basic to his mom; she wouldn’t see it until her shift was over anyway, and she was coming to get him then so it didn’t really matter.  
Jared on the other hand was a pain in the ass. Evan never understood his text-talk, but as he was the only sorta friend he had, he would never not respond.  
Evan: Only 4 days ago Jared- do we have any homework yet?  
JKJKJKLOLOLOL: A take home quiz from biology  
JKJKJKLOLOLOL: You’ll ace it  
Evan: How do you know  
JKJKJKLOLOLOL: I’m counting on it  
JKJKJKLOLOLOL: So I can copy it  
JKJKJKLOLOLOL: What ward are u in, I’ll be there after 3 👌🏼  
Evan: 7B :( 

Evan tossed his phone aside with a sigh. Of course Jared was only in this for himself. They weren’t really friends, Evan was capable of keeping a friend for some reason. Maybe it was his stutter, maybe he just wasn’t cool enough.  
He did know though that for some reason he’s been placed in the same ward room as Connor Murphy. Although Connor didn’t seem to recognise Evan, Evan certainly recognised him. What he had failed to recognise was that, his junior year crush, Zoe Murphy, was his sister. In hindsight is was pretty fucking obvious- same last name, same slight wave in their hair- Evan cut off his own train of thought with a flick of a band on his wrist. No. He was over Zoe, he’d had all summer to move on. He’d focused on applying all he’d learned at therapy, with all the time outdoors, and practicing interacting with people.  
This was supposed to be a new year. His mom and his therapist were counting on it, he was supposed to write letters to himself, he was supposed to say hi to someone new at school each week. He was supposed to join an after school club. He was supposed to start preparing for finishing school and getting on his feet. He wasn’t supposed to fall out of trees and miss the whole first week.


	7. Thursday - Jared

Jared’s head snapped up to the left as his pen was ripped from his hand.  
“I swear I will stab this into your hand Jared” Alana Beck was gripping Jared’s pen so hard her hand was shaking, her face screwed up and red.  
He smiled sheepishly and took it gently back, prising her fingers off one by one, “Sorry ‘Lana. I honestly don’t even realise I’m clicking it” it was an annoying habit he’d never been able to break. Yes he, Jared Kleinman, was a serial pen clicker and it drove people crazy.  
“Here have one that doesn’t click” she tossed an ordinary biro onto his desk and went back to her own worksheet.  
Alana was probably Jared’s closest friend, defined simply because they spent the most time together. She was incredibly intelligent and always doing extra tasks and dragging Jared along for the community interaction. He, for some reason, found that being gay and a bit rude to people meant that he generally flew under the radar. No one wanted to bully the queer Jewish kid, and if Alana stuck close by she was usually ignored too. It worked for both of them.  
“I said I’d go visit Evan after school,” he stared blankly at the sheet in front of him, willing his calculus to just calculate itself, “I told him we had a bio quiz”  
“That’s not very nice, you know Mrs M said he didn’t have to do it” she crinkled her nose in thought, “I mailed him a card, I thought he’d be home already.”  
“But he’s so much better at biology than I am” Alana refused to dignify his whining with a response, settling for a firm glare instead and getting back to her work. 

 

The hospital was only down the road from the school, but you had to pay for the parking there so Jared decided he’d walk and grab a snack on the way. He loved hospitals efficiency and organisation, there was no guesswork, it was all laid bare and obvious. Ward 7 room B. Easy.  
He stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway of 7B and took longer than he would’ve liked to recover and spit at the first bed “Shouldn’t you be down in the morgue?”  
Connor was on his feet in an instant, his face inches away as Jared squared his shoulders in a feeble attempt to match Connors height.  
“Say it again”  
“You heard me Friday the 13th” Jared purposefully shoved past Connor without waiting for a reply, climbing up on Evans bed, shoving his legs out the way so he could fit, “What kind of tree was it?” Evan wheezed again and Jared waited patiently for him to catch his breath. He’d purposefully asked a tree question, he knew it would calm Evan down and take the edge off his anxiety.  
“A pine. I wanted to see over the tree canopy.” Evan offered a weak smile  
“Well you haven’t missed much of school so far, Mrs M said you didn’t have to actually do the quiz but can you look over mine before I hand it in? Biology is more your thing” he grabbed a crinkled sheet out of his bag and thrust it in Evans face, texting Alana a hospital selfie while Evan looked over it.  
“I mean you got 2 wrong but I’m not going to correct them because they’d know it wasn’t you if you got 100%” he handed it back and tried weakly to sit up, “you can’t stay long, Mom is finishing in an hour then they’re discharging me”  
“All good, I’d rather be here eating chips than at home eating whatever kale thing Mom has made this week” he tossed Evan a one of 2 bags of chips with a grin. Even though the boys weren’t close anymore, Evan definitely knew the kind of weird shit Jared’s mom liked to make. Each week was a different health kick and different Pinterest recipes made their way out of the kitchen.  
“Sucks you have to room with Silence of the Lambs over here” he pointedly made sure he was loud enough for Connor to hear, “Zoe’s first day was back was today and she refuses to talk to anyone about why.” He tossed another handful of chips in his mouth and leaned towards Connors side of the room to yell, “Ollie in Zoe’s year is running a sweepstakes, I put $10 on Connor dead and funeral was Tuesday- so you owe me $10 now Edward Scissorhands”  
The curtain ripped back and Connors left fist made a cracking noise as it impacted Jared cheek, sending him backwards off the bed, a roar of noise erupting in the room all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared only calls Connor by horror movie titles and you can’t stop me


	8. Thursday - Connor

He was honestly surprised they gave him an ice pack for his hand after what had just happened. Punching visitors was generally frowned upon, even if they were Jared. He’d been ripped off Jared by the ward security guard, both boys screaming and clawing at each other, and as he was marched down the hallway he watched Jared spit blood onto the floor and it warmed his cold heart.  
But the adrenaline was wearing off now as he sat in his psychiatrists office nursing bruised knuckles and a circular mark on his forearm where Jared had fucking bitten him.  
The door clicked open and his stern looking psychiatrist held it as half a dozen people filed in. The security guard, his social worker, the psychologist, 2 people he didn’t know, and his parents- both Larry and Cynthia. No one would make eye contact with him.  
“Connor, I hope you understand the severity of what’s happened” his psychiatrist was the last to sit and the first to speak  
“Yeah I understand what it’s like to be sent to the principals office”  
“Except this isn’t school young man. The boy you fought has chosen to not press assault charges, but you can no longer stay at this hospital.” Behind him, Connor heard his mother start to weep  
“Fine I’ll go back to school for a while then try again” he took a deep breath as the weight of this hit his mother and her weeping became louder. Why did this control feel so good.  
“No, you’re not going back to school. The safety of other students comes before you.” She gestured to his social worker behind him, “A lot of resources have gone into creating this plan for you, and we expect you to be an active participant in your own healing”  
His social worker crouched next to him so she was eye to eye with the sullen teen, “There is a cafe on the edge of town called Mug Shot. It’s run by two ex-police officers, and is entirely staffed by at-risk young people. Mostly this is kids trying to get off the streets and out of incarceration, but Alice has agreed to take you on as you cannot go back to school like this, nor can you be a functional member of society” she waved an arm behind her generally without losing Connors eye line.  
He opened his mouth to snap at her but she cut him off “Don’t. You are going to do this, so you don’t sit and rot on drugs. Go and collect your room belongings, go home without punching anyone, and I’ll email you the rest” she gave it as a command and there was no arguing.


	9. Bby Evan

Evans poor body was not build to handle adrenaline. Connors reputation for his temper preceded him, but Evan hadn’t expected a literal fist fight to formulate over his bed. He’d been no use at all, falling into a stuttering mess as Connor was hauled away and Jared was quickly bleeding through all absorbent materials he was being given.  
“He fucking split my lip” each word caused more blood to spit out, and the attending nurse told him to zip it while she bundled him into a wheelchair to go downstairs and get stitches.  
“J-Jared wh-why did-d you d-do that?” Evan was on the brink of tears from the stress but Jared never gave a reply as he was whisked away. With the room suddenly empty and Evan alone, he let the tears spill. He wasn’t even sure what he was crying for or if it was just the overwhelming panic that surged his body. He knew he needed out and that was for sure. He shakily moved off the bed and started stuffing everything lying around into his backpack. He was double checking the bathroom for anything left when he heard footsteps enter and his body relaxed at the idea of seeing his mom right now. However Connor barged past him into the bathroom to grab his hairbrush, and Evan felt himself sink to the floor against the wall he’d been shoved, the air knocked out of his weak body.  
“Why do you even hang out with him?” Connor hissed without turning around, his practiced hands quickly tugging his hair back and twisted into a tiny ponytail  
“I-I told you y-yesterday. I don’t h-have any other f-friends” Evan was proud of his own ability to choke out anything in response  
“Anyone would be better than that asshole,” Connor was busy rushing around the main ward room, hastily packing his belonging as he yelled to Evan, “Don’t let him walk all over you”  
Evan lifted his head as the footsteps moved and suddenly Connor was crouching down in front of him, “If he does, I’d love another excuse to fight him” he grabbed Evans casted arm roughly and ripped the lid off a sharpie with his mouth, carefully writing his name the whole length of Evans plaster forearm, “make sure he knows I won.” He threw the re-lidded sharpie down in Evans lap and then he was gone. Leaving Evan to sob into his own knees.


	10. Tiny Heidi thoughts

Evans ward duty nurse had flagged down Heidi from the end of the ER hallway, and it sent her heart into a panic. Her poor Evan had been through enough, he only had half an hour left before she was supposed to finish her shift and they could discharge him.  
“Heidi there’s been an incident,” the duty nurse was out of breath and as Heidi can around the corner she saw why.  
Jared’s bloody face lit up when he saw her, “Can you call my Mom?” The attending doctor shushed him as she prepared a local anaesthetic to numb his split lip  
“Did Evan do this?!” She felt her hands getting clammy as her mind reeled to work our what had happened  
“No, but you should probably go upstairs to see him.” Heidis Mom instinct had already kicked in as she quickly organised covering her patients with another nurse and she made her way upstairs.  
She was stopped in the hall by the ward security, “Evans roommate punched his visitor,” he placed a hand gently on Heidis shoulder, “None of them will own up to who started what. But I think Evan needs you.”  
She found him huddled in the bathroom, rocking into his knees, and crouched down next to him wrapping him in a hug. She felt him melt into her arms as he had done when he was a child, and she kissed his messy hair, “oh Evan”


	11. Friday - Jared

“You should be so grateful Heidi and Evan want you anywhere near them. Starting a fight in a hospital like that,” Jared wasn’t listening to his mom dribble on her disappointments, his head leaned against the car window. His whole face throbbed. He’d been cleared for a concussion from the smack back off Evans bed, but Connor had split his lip so bad he’d needed 4 stitches. As the swelling was fresh and putting pressure on them, a small assortment of other bruises were starting to crop up too.  
“Jared we’re here, take these in for Heidi and tell her I said hello,” she gave him a stern look and thrust a box of cookies into his hands, “be grateful”  
It was hard to do anything when your face was the size of a balloon, so Jared just climbed out without saying anything and waved at his Mom driving off from the doorway of the Hansen’s. Freedom.  
Heidi had the Friday off to home nurse over Evan, and had offered to take in Jared too for the day while his mom still had to work.  
Jared fumbled with his keys to open the front door- was it 2 clicks left or right? He hadn’t been here and used his key in so long he couldn’t remember. Luckily he didn’t have to as Heidi pulled the door open and ushered him into the living room, Evan was already sprawled on the left of the couch with a bowl of soup resting on his casted arm and chest for balance.  
“You l-look like crap”  
Jared our a hand on his chest and feigned offence, flopping onto the other end of the couch with a groan.  
“Y-you know you totally deserved it, you were s-supposed to be there to visit m-me”  
“I feel like I livened up your stay-“  
“You got him kicked out of hospital-“  
“I didn’t press assault charges-“  
“Jared! You told someone they should’ve been d-dead!” Silence fell as Evan moved and placed his bowl on the coffee table, his arm finally drawing Jared’s attention  
“Why the fuck is his name on your cast”  
“I-uh-h-he wrote it there-“  
“Evan why?”  
“I-um-asked him to?” Evan had never been a good liar, but Jared could tell he was panicking he wasn’t sure his body could handle the stress after yesterday.  
Jared narrowed his eyes “You...asked him to?”  
“Yes” he picked up his phone quickly and pulled up Netflix on the tv, refusing to make eye contact with Jared, “what do you want to watch?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think they would be watching on Netflix??? Hmmm lol <3


	12. Connors homecoming

There was a lot of mixed emotions swirling in the car and Connor sat trying to tap into all of them individually.  
Larry was still mad that Connor had been admitted in the first place. Connor was trying to work through if he was happy he was now leaving, or furious he’d punched someone.  
Cynthia was mostly upset. She had never handled the kids growing up and forging their own identities. She used to get upset when young Connor and Zoe spoke in their own codes, and resented giving them any freedom. Connor had always been an irritable child and Zoe would snap him out of it. As a teen though, he was just angry. Teens aren’t known for being easy to handle at best, and Connor enjoyed the power trip it gave him to upset his mother.  
Connor himself felt numb. The whole last week was a blur and he couldn’t wait to get home and be free again.  
The freedom feeling didn’t last long though- his bedroom door had been removed while he was gone, and he flipped out of his blank state and had slammed the house door so hard when he stormed out that the whole house shook.  
They’d raided his room while he was out and took all of his drugs obviously, a quick text to his dealer though and he was only a few blocks walk away. He went to shove his phone back in his pocket when he quickly flicked off another text before he regretted the idea of it.  
Connor: jared want a rematch yet?  
Evan: Who is this?  
Connor: the purge  
Evan: Connor?  
Connor: obviously  
Evan: How did you get my number?  
Connor: i put it in your phone  
Evan: What? When?  
Connor: you were in surgery  
Evan: How did you get my phone? The drawer was locked??  
Connor: i am wildly aware it was locked  
Connor: you owe me 2 bobby pins  
Evan: Is this a prank??  
Connor: no i wanted to make sure jared knows where he stands  
Evan: He’s at my house we’re watching Netflix and he’s complaining he can’t eat anything but soup. He needed stitches to sew his lip back together  
Connor: good the bastard fucking bit me  
Connor: what did he say about your cast  
Evan: I told him I asked you to write it but I think he knows I’m lying. I don’t want another fight  
Connor: whatever its your life  
Connor: he doesnt have to worry anyway im not coming back to school

Connor shoved his phone away and knocked on his dealers door. He was the older brother of one of the kids at school, he’d been a senior when Connor was a freshman and was easily swayed under his wing. Connor had only managed to lift $20 out of his mother’s wallet, which wasn’t going to get him far. His dealer invited him in and as the smell of weed hit Connor and he took a deep breath.  
“God that smells so much better than hospital”  
His dealer grinned and ushered him through the house to the courtyard. They had been meeting up for so long now they had developed a trust. If Connor needed an escape from home where he wasn’t on the streets, he could always come here for a few hours. “I heard through the grapevine you nearly burnt your house down”  
“Yep, spent a week in hospital too,” he fell back on an old stained couch, his long legs making it look more awkward than it should, “but got kicked out for punching Jared Kleinman”  
“Why the fuck was Jared in the hospital?”  
“Visiting my roommate, think we gave him a panic attack” Connor shrugged and threw his crumpled $20 on the table, “Its all I’ve got in these dire times”  
“It’s fine, have a hit here and take this home” a small baggie was tossed onto his lap and quickly pocketed as he reached for the pipe on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor uses no capitals or punctuation when he texts and you can’t change my mind
> 
> ps don’t do drugs kids x


	13. Monday - Evan

Senior year was always going to be full on, but missing the first week meant that Evan had so much to catch up on. His calculus class had started, and finished the first topic, while the first English paper was due that Monday he started back. His usual tactic of lying low wasn’t working so well with a casted arm that read ‘CONNOR’ the whole length. Especially with the aforementioned teen still missing from school with no confirmed reason. Ollie, the junior running the Connor sweepstakes, had confronted him between classes demanding Evan to talk so he could let his ‘customers’ know. Evan has frozen on the spot and had never been more grateful for Jared’s loud mouth telling someone to fuck off.  
“C’mon Evan at least sit at our table,” Alana was friendly to everyone, although sometimes it made Evan uncomfortable. He started to protest, he usually ate alone in the biology rooms but Alana was having none of it, “I can help you with the math homework, pull out the pack you got I’ll catch you up”  
Evan sighed and handed it over, Alana and homework we’re a match made in heaven and at least she would dumb it down a bit for him to have a chance to even be up to the rest of the class’ level.  
“Okay Evan it’s really easy, so-“ she was cut off by another lunch tray slamming opposite.  
“Why is Connors name on your cast? I know you shared a room what did he say to you?” Zoe stage whispered at Evan, flicking her head side-to-side quickly, making sure no one was around to hear.  
“I-I, um, a-asked him t-too?” Evan offered his lie weakly with a half smile. He was unsure what Zoe had heard about the fight, and frankly also a bit nervous talking to her. He flicked the band on his wrist a few times absentmindedly to try and bring him back to the situation in front of him.  
“My brother doesn’t do what he’s asked,” she narrowed her eyes at him  
Evan swallowed a big gulp of air, “Well, maybe, a-ask nicely?”  
She stood up and stormed off out of the lunch room, leaving her tray behind.  
Evans suspicions were confirmed, the Murphy temper did run in the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to work out this timeline, this was the first Monday back after his sad weekend at home xoxox


	14. Monday - Alana

It was hard being Alana Beck. Half of her life was desperately trying to keep up with her academic and after-school demands, and the other half was being Jared’s best friend. They required equal amounts of work.  
Academically, she was doing advanced classes in 3 subjects, and taking extra in-school tutoring to learn Italian. But she was also on the committee for the Christmas dance, tutored a few freshman after school each week, volunteered at senior bingo every Wednesday night, and walked dogs at the local animal shelter on a Sunday morning.  
All that was nothing compared to keeping up with Jared. Some days she felt like his personal diary, reminding him of assignments and projects. Others she felt like his therapist, as he whinged about boys he’d met, or how his dad wanted him to take a (girl) date to an upcoming family wedding. But most days were just normal high school friends, dumb snapchats and selfies of the best moments of their days, and sharing them together made it a little more bearable.  
She was mortified to learn he was in a fight, but upon hearing the whole story, she secretly sided with Connor. Not that she would ever let Jared know. But seriously how can one person be obnoxious enough to get themselves punched and not realise why.  
She’d offered to help Evan go over his catch up work, he’d not been penalised as he was in hospital but he had a lot on his plate now. She was in an advanced math class, so helping him was easy enough. The best way to teach yourself something was to have to teach it someone else, so she would teach Evan to re-enforce her core math.  
Lunch options at school were limited in terms of nutrition so she usually bought her own. Sushi, wraps, today was mini pastries she had made over the weekend. She and Jared had corralled Evan to their lunch table before he had a chance to disappear like he so often did. Taking her usual middle seat, she unpacked her lunch things neatly while Evan pulled out his math catchup pack. His class was doing the easier version of her advanced class and she easily recognised the theory behind it.  
“Okay, Evan-“ She’d barely opened her mouth when she jumped out of her skin at Zoe forcefully joining their table and ripping Evans attention away. Actually, ripping both their attentions away.  
Zoe was totally opposite Alana in almost every way.  
Blonde hair, brown hair.  
After school band, after school tutoring.  
Lots of friends, just Jared and Evan.  
Bluey green eyes.....Alana’s daydreaming was snapped away with Zoe storming off and she sighed and went back to Evans tutoring, but neither of them were fully paying attention anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alana and Jared are gay bffs but Alana doesn’t know it yet


	15. Friday again - Jared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up I wrote and ditched an entire Connor chapter so there was a lil delay for this
> 
> (((He’s back soon  
> I promise)))

Jareds family liked to think of themselves as traditional in every sense they could portray. His parents had met when his dads family had moved to the area and began attending the local synagogue that his mom attended with her family. 

It had been no surprise they married straight out of high school. They were the poster perfect family- dad at work as a bank manager, mom at home raising 3 sweet kids. They were openly against birth control and Jared often wondered how they had only ended up with 3 kids. 

They were openly against a lot of things actually. Divorce, abortion, gay marriage.....gay people. Jared never really had a big ‘coming out’, he’d been pretty ‘out’ his whole life. It was not allowed to be spoken about under the Kleinman roof. Jared’s purpose was to get married (to a girl), and have children to make a happy home. There was a lot of pressure on him as the only boy, his sisters were expected to make housewives and so he was expected to carry on the family name. 

His mother had sobbed when he told her about his first gay boyhood crush, warning him not to tell his father about it. 

Ignorance is defined as a lack of knowledge, education, or awareness.  
Ignorance could also be defined as forcing your clearly gay son to go to a ‘troubled teen’ group at the synagogue where all the other questioning teens were weekly. 

Jared’s first threesome was 6 months after he started going. 

These parents all shared the same values of not letting opposite sex teens spend any time un-chaperoned due to temptation. They all were too oblivious to notice that same-sex friends sharing rooms was just the same temptation. 

It was because of this, Alana and Jared usually spent time at her house over the weekend. Always ‘chaperoned’ by Alana’s mom of course, can’t have any temptation. He’s pretty sure his parents are hoping he’ll marry Alana. Gross. 

————-

Message; Jared to Alana

Jared: I still look like a purple monkey  
Jared: *selfie*  
Lany Loo: Have you apologised to Evan yet?  
Jared: I AM THE VICTIM HERE  
Lany Loo: Jared!!  
Jared: I did nothing wrong  
Lany Loo: Well word got out Connor tried to commit suicide  
Lany Loo: And that you got punched  
Lany Loo: I don’t think any one will put it together though  
Lany Loo: Some junior won Ollie’s sweepstakes  
Jared: Your day sounds harder than mine  
Lany Loo: Me telling people to go away doesn’t quite have the same effect you have  
Jared: I find ‘fuck off’ has a better impact  
Lany Loo: I won’t be telling anyone that  
Jared: Are we still on for tomorrow?  
Lany Loo: ........  
Lany Loo: I didn’t think you’d be up for it!!!  
Lany Loo: I made plans to help Evan catch up  
Lany Loo: I mean you can join us  
Lany Loo: You won’t be able to distract us if you can’t talk without pain  
Jared: What time?  
Lany Loo: His mom is dropping him off after their cute breakfast date so maybe 10??  
Jared: I’ll bring lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OoOoOoOoO jared backstory


	16. Saturday - Connor

There was an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of Connors stomach as a wave of goosebumps rolled over him from head to toe. He felt them prick up around his neck and tickle as they moved down his shoulders out to his fingers. The cool room air penetrated his jeans and he felt every follicle against the abrasive denim.  
He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to run or fall asleep. 

In hospital, the doctors had spoken at length about diagnosis and medication, therapy and drug trials. They had confirmed he had depression, and started him on a mood stabiliser, but they weren’t certain there wasn’t more going on and wanted to keep him coming in to monitor his medication. 

“Have you heard from Alice yet?” He’d been referred to the outpatient clinic from the hospital, and this psychiatrist was new, but he seemed to know Connors whole story. 

“She asked me to go in on Monday” Connor had perfected the art of short and sweet answers. 

“Do you often do what people ask of you?”

“No”

“Do you think you’re going to go in?”

“Everyone wants me to”

“But do you want to?”

“If it’s better than school”

“It’s....different than school,” the psychiatrist paused, his eyes flicking back over Connors notes, “You have to pass a drug test to work in the kitchen area, the medication you’re on won’t affect that”

“It makes me dizzy,” he admitted quietly. He’d spent most of the past week lounging around, and each time he was getting up, he was seeing more and more stars. 

“Okay, all the time or only sometimes?” The psychiatrist asked gently, and Connor could feel him pushing on a closed mental door, even in the silence.  
“It’s hard to know if it’s a side effect that will cause this long term on the medication, or just as it builds in your system. Stick it out for me. One week, we will reassess”

“Fine” he pulled the arms down on his hoodie and popped the hood over his head to walk out into the main area. His mom had already insisted on waiting out there for him, the least he could do was hide from her. 

“Connor,” the doctor called out as he approached the door. He stopped but did not turn around, “I saw you the night you were admitted to ER, you already look so much better than that” 

Connor didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONNORS FIRST VUNERABILITY #characterdevelopment


	17. Saturday - Evan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JKJKJKLOLOL: Jared  
> Connor?: connor
> 
> Dumb boys both messaging bby E

Dear Evan Hansen

Today is going to be a good day and here’s why:  
You get to have pancake breakfast with mom.  
Alana has offered to help you catch up with school.  
You got 3 get well cards.  
Jared is still your friend.  
You are healing and it is getting easier to breathe. 

He’d written a letter to himself this morning, the first one since he was out of hospital. He tapped his fingers absentmindedly on his desk, reading and re-reading before deleting the last line and hitting print.  
His therapist said no one had to read them if he didn’t want them to, but it was important to get it down on paper as a grounding technique.  
Today was going to be a good day and he just had to remember that. 

Evans first pancake date with his mom was firmly imprinted in his mind from when he was a child. The weeks after his dad left he would have horrible nightmares, waking up in a sweat that his mom was going to be gone too. She’d taken to laying with him in bed to sooth him back to sleep, and they would go for pancakes. It was their special ritual, and 

—————- 

The place was nothing fancy, just a local greasy diner, the decor unupdated since the 90’s. The vinyl peeling off the seats itched at Evans skin and only encouraged patrons to pick at it further in his mind. Their usual order had been placed with the bubbly Saturday waitress- 2 pancake stacks, maple syrup, 1 giant strawberry milkshake with 2 straws. 

“I wrote a letter this morning” 

Heidi beamed from across the booth, “Amazing Evan, I knew you could stick to this”

“Do you want to read it?” His thumb ran back and forth over the folded paper in his pocket, hesitating. 

“No, no, I mean, only if you want me to” She backed up and Evan just pulled his phone out instead, placing it on the table next to his cast. It was his social crutch when he got overly anxious. 

“Did Jared get you in trouble at work?”

“No, no, security is used to dealing with fighting families” Heidi sighed as she leaned back so the waitress could place their food on the table. 

It wasn’t very often she had a weekend day off, so Evan was trying to savour the moments they did get, he flipped his phone face down as it buzzed. This was pancake day, no one important ever messaged him anyway. 

BzzzBzzzBzzz

“I guess Jared is family” evan muttered into a mouthful of what was mostly maple syrup. 

BzzzBzzzBzzzBzzzBzzz

“Of course he is, I have pictures of you guys in diapers”

BzzzBzzzBzzzBzzz

Evan gritted his teeth as his mom glanced pointedly at his phone that was rapidly buzzing it’s way off the small diner table, “Do you need to get that?” 

BzzzBzzzBzzzBzzzBzzzBzzz

“Who is even messaging me,” he flipped it back over, the lock screen flashing quickly with a battery of messages, “Jared...”

JKJKJKLOLOLOL: I’m going to the Cat Cafe to get lunch  
JKJKJKLOLOL: And also to pat cats  
JKJKJKLOLOL: Cats don’t judge me  
JKJKJKLOLOL: Evan what do you want for lunch  
JKJKJKLOLOL: Not responding is how you get a cheese sandwich  
JKJKJKLOLOL: EVAN  
JKJKJKLOLOL: EVAN SOS  
JKJKJKLOLOL: ABORT MISSION  
JKJKJKLOLOL: I WANTED TO PAT A CAT  
JKJKJKLOLOL: BUT SOS  
JKJKJKLOLOL: CONNOR IS HERE  
JKJKJKLOLOL: WITH HIS MOM  
JKJKJKLOLOL: PATTING A CAT  
JKJKJKLOLOL: I THINK HES SEEN ME  
Connor?: i see u spoke to jared  
Connor?: surprised hed want to fight in public  
JKJKJKLOLOL: EVAN I JUST WANTED FOOD  
JKJKJKLOLOL: IVE ORDERED OMG  
JKJKJKLOLOL: maybe it’ll be okay  
JKJKJKLOLOL: if I sit in this corner  
JKJKJKLOLOL: maybe he will leave me alone  
JKJKJKLOLOL: I’ll just pat this cat  
JKJKJKLOLOL: her collar says her name is Nibbler  
JKJKJKLOLOL: I SEE WHY  
Connor?: ah this cat cafe is doing my work for me  
Connor?: bitch got bit  
JKJKJKLOLOL: SHE BIT ME :( :(  
JKJKJKLOLOL: oh no I jumped and now she’s going away  
JKJKJKLOLOL: come back nibbler  
JKJKJKLOLOL: don’t go to IT  
Connor?: i like this cat  
Connor?: it bit him then came to me  
Connor?: and not biting me  
Connor?: even it knows jared is the scum of society 

Evan can barely keep up with the text chain let alone have any chance of replying. He watches on horrified as his phone finishes its seizure on the table in front of them. “I-I don’t think they realise they’re both texting me”  
“Both?” Heidi takes a sip of the milkshake  
“Jared and Connor,” he bit his lip anxiously, he hadn’t told anyone that Connor had his number. She didn’t even have time to process a response before his phone started up again violently. 

JKJKJKLOLOL: EVAN  
JKJKJKLOLOL: SINCE WHEN DID U TALK TO CONNOR  
JKJKJKLOLOL: HE JUST THREATENED ME  
JKJKJKLOLOL: SAYS HE TOLD U  
JKJKJKLOLOL: IM SHOOK  
Connor?: your a terrible messenger  
Connor?: dont make me give you hand written notes to pass on

Heidi held her hand out over the screen, interrupting the information overload hitting Evans brain, “C’mon, finish up I’ll drop you at Alana’s”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG GUYS IM SORRY I WAS AWAY AND I GOT TO SEE HAMILTON AND COME FROM AWAY AHHHHH 
> 
> anyway im back

Jared was not used to being on this side of a threat. It was usually him dishing out the half hearted but steel-eyed remarks. He somehow doubted Connors intentions were half hearted though. He’d already proved his lack of hesitation or forethought process when he’d left-hooked Jared in the face. 

He gingerly touched his healing lip, the scab thick from being broken and reformed over and over. Jared wasn’t capable of keeping his mouth shut for any extended period of time, and as a consequence the healing process was taking longer than he’d like. He’d cut the stitches out himself a few days ago, they’d done their job holding it until the skin could start knitting itself back together. The bruises were fading yellow and instead of looking like a plum, he now looked like he had a bad case of jaundice. His sister had given him something called bb cream which dulled the yellow, and also the redness his skin got normally anyway. 

He fought the urge to continue picking at the dried blood, grabbing the bag of food instead to give his hands another job to do. Alana’s door was always double locked and chained, she was very safety conscious and the easiest way in was to text her to come and open up. 

Jared: your sweet prince jesus has arrived   
Lany Loo: ......You’re Jewish 

There was a clinking behind the door before it popped open, Alana giving him a total of 3 seconds to enter before she closed it and re-did all the locks. Alana’s house was simply decorated, no unnecessary furniture or fanfare, scarcely any sign a family lived here. Simple walls and dark oak furniture, a couple of pieces of modern art scattered around. The theatre room was rarely used for its intended purpose, serving mostly as a giant study area for Alana.   
Evan had spread himself out on the bigger of the two desks, his calculus text book surrounded by notepaper, worksheets and extra resources Alana had found to help him. There was a smaller pile on the floor to Evans left, topped with the book this years English class had been assigned to read. Evan glanced up as he heard Jared enter, “Hey Jared-“  
“Since when do you talk to Connor,” he cut Evan off, not seeing the point in small talk.   
“W-what? I don’t-“  
“Cut the crap Hansen, he said he’d told you to pass on a message,” maybe it was the adrenaline spike resurfacing, or maybe he just enjoyed watching Evan squirm.   
“Jared!” Alana however, was sometimes too lawful for her own good.   
“If I’m going to get threatened while out getting lunch I think I’d like to know about it!”   
“And I’d like to know if you’re going to ruin just 5 minutes of this study session, or the whole thing?” Alana’s dry retort ended the conversation, but not without a glare at her best friend.   
Jared tossed the food bag on the desk with a grumble, setting himself on the couch near a power point for his phone.  
Being exiled to the couch from study group was still better than being at home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is more for me to get back into writing practice, but you should also love me 💕💕


End file.
